Endure

How can I expect you
To understand the pain I go through?
How can I expect you know what I endure?

The Letter I Can't Send

I don't forget as time goes by.  Do you?  I have really wanted to ask you, but haven't had a chance to.
I won't see you ever again, but you know that.  To this fate I have resigned, unwillingly, begrudgingly resigned.
Often I think.  I think of all the things that could've been, then remind my eyes to look away.  I look away day after day; wishing my broken heart to be away.  I cry at night,  I can't forget as time goes by.          

Boy

I see a little boy
In cold mud
Crying for his mum--
A war torn son
Who's mommy said
"My little boy, run".

Loose My Mind!

Loose my mind
Doubt of God!
Release my heart
To believe--and
Loose my tongue
To speak!

Dream a Dream

Close your eyes
And think of me,
Lay to sleep and
Let your mind run deep--
And let your thoughts
Draw closer to mine,
Don't fret over
You and I--we aint no crime
Let your hand
Fall into mine
Just this time--dare to
Dream a dream
Of you and I.

Try

When I think of you
I think of disgust
It's not like I hate your guts or anything of that such
But when you speak into my mind
With your whispers and lies
It breaks my heart
To know someone like you
Would try upon my life. 

He Loved

His life and tiny reality—his world, was based around her. His thoughts and his choices were made for her. He was a tower, built upon her love. A tipsy tower toppling into water soon enough. Sinking down so deep my broken heart would never come back out, but enjoy It's watery grave of a romance long lost more than a bright life lived in the sun with ones who really loved.

Fear Has Been Keeping Me

I want to run into your arms
And be set free from the chains holding me
But fear is keeping me from bringing
My sins to your feet. 

Jesus take the memories
Take my pain
Be it far from me
To ignore Your crimson stains
That carried me to my Daddy's feet
Day after day,
After dark day. 

God I am coming home tonight
I am tired of my desire to fight
I only want your forgiveness
I only want your grace
Come tonight  to my heart
And save me.   

Your Light

Through all the lies
And all the tries on my mind
I see Your light, dimly lit
In the night beckoning me out
Of the shadow of my own heart--

It's hard to see past the dark
When you are deceived  by the lie that
"You are not free, you are a slave to me"


Through all the weeping nights
I have seen Your light
Guiding me home--come through for me now
Father and save my mind from
The hater of my heart.

Life and I (Edit)

Man is my name
And Life, my friend
And I played a game
Searching for Meaning in his house,
Meaning meaning meaning who we could never seem to find
And His meaning Life’s,
Life and I fool around in his house taking our sweet time
While seeking Meaning,
 Our justification for procrastination came from,
Allday who’s my friend as well--
He told us we have many hours to spare until the search need be began,

All of us buds, spilling out the times like slopping sloshing wine from our glasses,
Which were being emptied endlessly by our thirsting throats and hearts
We desired the highest passion--
What we fancy we will style,
After drinking our fill we went back to
The nonchalant search, where could he be? He meaning Meaning,
Meaning is use, Meaning is truth,
Little did we realize of Allday's lies, 
Time had run out on Life and I--and
At the last second
Allday the scoundrel stole away my Life
After that day I shed many a tear wishing for things to be different--

And after I lost my Life I could not find Meaning
If only someone told where Meaning was  hiding
If only someone cared to rescue me
Life and I would have it.

Your Hand, Your Eyes

Now long gone are

Those days of love--

Remember when I held your

Hand and we stared into

Eachother's eyes

Wishing for more time?

This memory,

Makes me cry.

Regrettably unforgettable
Are you my love--
You were, beautiful. 

Tearfully whispering "no" short and cold
Over the phone--"no more".

I guess I can't Write

I guess I can't write
Because I don't know what I want to write--
Like I lack the pointy thought of an arrow that
Pins down a precise idea--
The insufficiency of my butter knife words
Place me far worse
Than a focused blade of steel--
A poignancy would spring from my hands to the page
Touching the hearts and minds of those who read. 

Voice so Tearful

Your voice
Brings mine 
Eyes to cry--
Fingers so tender
Outstretched towards the sky,
You are far beyond beautiful
As I behold your heart so tearful. 

Ramblings

Tumbling down
Falling through
I'm a dancing clown
Fallible proof
My brain--a total doof
And if you think
I am of something to consider
You should reconsider what your mind
Just twittered
Deathly wrong
Are you who assumed
That I am more than
A passing smoke plume. 

Ego Incommunicado

Perpetually vexed
Contextually perplexed 
Incommunicable thought
Alas writes itself naught. 


Verbal subservience
Scholarly impotence 
Ego incommunicado
No mental bravado. 
 

Quite incapable
Quietly contrite
Unable to write
I Instead
Only pen
Nite.  

A Love for You

Oh so refined
Tinkling china dine--
Sophistication a
Ladies attraction--
Come, from me to sip
Oh so delicate lips.


Come to me by
Candle light--pour into
Me a dream,
When our lips meet
True romance treats,
When it's just
You and me
My lovely tea. 

Bitter

A tight fight or a
Flying kite
You and I
Spend the night
Suffering
Through a
Bitter bite. 

Without

I'm so alone in the world
With out a hand to hold
Or a heart to bear.
I am so alone without
Your love--
Can I make it through
Yet another painful day
Without your hand
In mine? 
I do not know.
I simply do not know. 

Daddy and the Elephant (Written for my English/Poetry college course)

Mother and I on vacation
Took a bowl and
Went to a hole--
Not just any hole
But a watering hole. 

We stood in line behind
A baggy elephant waiting for
Sustenance
But he move he did not--
Oh the ignorance!   

I got angry and spanked him
On the butt
All the while thinking
"Not sophisticated not smart but what?"
He sure is fashionable
My mother suddenly observed
As if she was in love--
Look at the colors
Such an array!
And though he is of many summer seasons
He is utterly gorgeous--
A gold ring of which I want wear! 

Inconceivable!  The conception
Of such an outrageous idea--
Something was off something was wrong
With my cute as a Popsicle mother,
"This morning mommy did you have your coffee?"
This animal is as uglier than daddy.

Tears, Knees, Floors

Down on my knees
For your heart,
Down on the floor
I fall apart
Down on the floor
I beg for your life
Deep, deep into the night--
Compassion burns
In my chest
Don't be lost
From my hands
Not yet. 

Hope Dies

I couldn't write
But "no!" said pride
So again I tried--
The secret to the perfect word
Mystery of mysteries
Hidden from my eyes--

I simply couldn't get it
No matter how hard I tried,
My hope had died
And I who once desired to write
Now only try. 

Eye

Who are you
In the mirror
Who I can't look
In the eye?
Ashamed of me
Ashamed to be.

Tenfold

My hope
For you
Is for you
To grow
And realize
Today and
Tomorrow
Are borrowed--
And though
By when you know 
You'll be
Tenfold
Never let
Your pure heart
Grow cold--always do
As when a child
You were told. 

Fly

Hi
Bye
A
Thought
Comes
Through
On
The fly.

Rain

Under falling rain
You and I
Walk away
We say goodbye--
Under this
Crying sky
You and I
Hold hands
For the last
Time. 

Not One Thing

Nothing will fill you
Not one thing--
Get wasted into the blackness
And sex yourself dry
Don't you see why?
Nothing will satisfy.

Go high go fast
Fix yourself sick
Give your brain a kick
Take it all as your body calls--
Dirty little hands and
Little dirty needles
Today tomorrow you'll need a fill,
Again and again and again!
You're in so much pain--
You just can't stop
Oh so empty
One more pill pop,
Oh so down
So so low.
Jesus is the only answer
For now
And forever more.

Pain and I

Agony blinds
Torment teases
Pain isn't kind
Pain does what pleases.
She and I dined that night
... That is Pain and I -- oh so refined
Red wine
So stained
Oh so unkind.
Once again tonight she
Glided to my side
Across cold tile
Only to burn me
With Her white lying smile.

A Precious Little

Skeletons of you
In my closet--it's a precious little--
Pieces of you here
And there. And
My heart utterly stubbornly refuses
... To forget it,
Sweep out the memories tomorrow
Because today I cannot and
Though you told me to forget
My heart still holds onto what's left.

The Wall

When my day is done

I head on home
Just because that's where I go--
Through the door
To a chair
To the wall where I stare.
I don't have cares
Not anymore--
Life has lost its luster
And my days of late are ever darker.

Dream of Dreams. (Haiku)

To rest those heavy
Eyes, oh dream of dreams! Come to
Me this night and be. 

Don't Pay

They gave

Don't pay
Be a man
Don't give in
Look away
If you
Roll the dice you'll
Pay the price
Don't sneak a peek
Don't be weak.

Sleep Forever

Darkness quietly presses in around holding me
And the world is so very still--filled with a
Stillness and a calm hanging perfectly prone in the air,

So tranquil
It was like the night you
Told me
"Sleep tonight sleep forever,
As long as we are together".    

Be a Thinker

Questions and answers
On my lips, possessed by the
Thought of ideas to unzip
My heart tells my mind to
"Consider every answer"
Then I from
Thought to thought like a dancer--
Ponder every pondering
Mull over and tinker
And don't forget to be a thinker.

Plea

I simply cannot
Write tonight
And the immpossiblilty
Is killing me
So I will retire
And become an escapee
From the immprobability
Of my poetry plea.   

People

People. oh so many people.
Under God's sun.
Lost people. So many lost people
Under this dark sky.
God's people. oh so many people.
Looking for hope
God's people searching the world out
For so many people looking for hope. 

Author of Words.

Whatever I write I erase
And then it's gone-- what could it have been?
It might have been something it might have not, and we won't ever know now will we? 
But I spared these words the deleter for the sake of the reader
Because if you read them they will have a reason to be written and though
I've seen many sentences come and gone not one
Knew the reason for their composition
Absolutely none.
Not one. 
The Writer has known
Even before he wrote
Words wouldn't ask about the cause
For a clause a comma a rhyme a pause
Or for the Author's reason for their creation-- 
And if my words would ask
What I authored them for
I wouldn't cry every night
For their broken little hearts
Lost in the dark--
It tears me apart when my words
Ask if their existence is simply fictitious
And without an eternal purpose.       

Goodnight

Quietly incapable
Quite contrite
Hands clenched
Unable to write
So tonight
I will pen naught but
Goodnight.

I Resign

Remember when we danced across the floor Scuffing black marks across the glossy wood
Pressing our palms together--
That was the last time. 

That night.  Oh the regret!
Such a scar naught time abates. Scant chance I will forget,
In my memories you await. 

And this is another sleepless night thinking of you

Crying for what I couldn't do--

Darling, please forgive me
For not being enough for you.

I remember
Your hand in mine
For the last time--
I cry, then into

The night
I resign.

Untitled

When I hear your name I pass from this world and
Don't know what to do
As if I don't know what is happening to me
Like I'm dying again tonight
Just as I did the night I said goodbye. 

Time to Time

Not a night has gone by
Where I haven't dreamt of the past
Oh how I wish to turn back time--
Not a day has passed
That I wished to not have dragged you along
On my crimes.

From time to time 
Heartache comes and makes my heart its home
And I tell myself I don't miss you
To deal with the pain,
Maybe someday I will come around
But for tonight I know
I will be dreaming of a joy found
Now gone.

Endure.

Sleepy eyes open
Wide and see the blue sky,endure
Till tonight then wave goodbye. 

Sleep Well

Sleep well tonight
In the knowledge
That it's Jesus who cares
And not me. 

Apart

Stuck in my mind
And in my cracked heart
I can't escape you
I can't get apart.

Into the Night

Can this really be the end
Of the happiest times of our lives
For the last happy time to be had with you
I am hopelessly sad. 

When your small cold hand slips away from mine
And you leave me behind
I stare after you into the night
Hoping for things to be different--
But knowing it only a fragile whisper in the deepest of my dreams,
I stare after you into the night
Wishing the frozen tears away--
While watching the snow fall oh so quietly.  

Untitled

Where is the hope?
Where is the life
In the darkness of my life?

I can't believe what's happening to me
I gave you everything in my heart,
You threw it away now I have nothing--
I just can't believe it's you that I'm losing.  

Spring into Winter

Harnessing hearts
Pulling apart
Turning sweet life
Into tart,
Like a sweet dove
Love is spring in all its beauty
Love is like spring--spring turns to summer then summer to cold winter.

Untitled.

Your love is my life

When it should be my past, can't

We say goodbye one final time?

You and I.

When you love someone that you can't love
What do you do?
Do you stop love and kill the natural
Or give into the practical
When does a man stand to say "no"
And hold back the tears while on the phone
Telling love I can love no more--


But what could she have done other than say "no"?
Keep loving in the knowledge that we can't be
Until we abandon all wisdom and sensibility?
To ignore the immpossiblilty of you and me
Would be you and me ignoring reality.

Dont Tell Me.

Don't tell me you love me
When you really don't care
It burns me deeper than death pains
It kills me faster than the dark,
Don't tell me your love me
Then cut deep into my heart,
Your lies crushed my trust
How many times no one can tell, 
Betrayal stings beyond the physical
And broken love sends souls to hell. 

Know. (Haiku)

Whispers in the dark
Behind my back, though I know
Of them, I know not. 

Missing You.

I've been missing you
At night before I fall asleep
I remember you the night I said goodbye--
If only we could rewind somehow change the times
Alas we cannot,
For this I cry.  


It's funny to think that I had the strength to say farewell
To you my joy, 
Hardest decision in my life
Was to say goodbye
I wish it were different
But it's not,
More than anything
I've been missing you. 

Untitled (Haiku)

I agonize when
You're not with me, my only
Joy was you, now gone. 

When?

Oh America!  Where did your heritage die to?
When did men sleep with every woman but their wife
And hide from the light, sting their family and kiss scarlet sin in the black of night?

Oh America!  What have we done?
When did women throw away beautiful loveless babes
For sex?  And when did a woman curse her womb
And murder her child on the alter of selfishness?

Oh America!  My spirit groans for your broken hearts
Young people who take their own lives out of pain
And hate, hopelessness in the blackness of night crying for an end
To their own suffering. 

Oh America!  Turn from your sin!
When did we fall away from the truth
And the light for perverted pleasures and lust?
We have forgotten where we came from
We have forgotten the price He payed for us.


Broken marriages He repairs
Families wrenched apart brought back to life
Hurt and pain He can heal
Addictions cease
From our chains we are released,
This is by His blood
That we may be saved. 






 

Untitled (Haiku)

I agonize and
Weep over your pain, because  
I'm the one to blame. 

Dream of Me (Haiku)

Close your eyes night is
Well underway, sleep now dream
Of me, far away.    

In the Night.

Silent tears run down
The page, where is hope?  Silent
Sufferings in the night, comfort gives no respite.  

Into the Night.

Your hand in mine for

The last time, I cry, then into

The night I resign.

Grips (Haiku)

Encroaching darkness
Grips my heart, it kills me to
Know I let it in. 

Fade (Haiku)

The decision to
Pass into darkness was made,
No light, we will fade.   

Shelf.

Your tears remind me
Of myself, never forget
Me, my love on a shelf.   

I'm broken (psalm)

I'm broken before you again
I helplessly lay upon the floor waiting,
Waiting for your rescue oh God,
I'm empty of life and tired to death
To the point where I can not cry out
Yet you come to save me,
Did I need ask of you to rescue
And did I need ask you to die? 
Nails to pin down the son of God
Whips to slice open his tired back
Innocent blood spilled for my guilty heart
Oh Father you truly are God!

Silent

This is the last, the
Last writing I'll ever pen,
Silent tears drip onto the page
I can't let go. 

Puffs of Fluff. (Haiku)

Puffs of fluff flying
Overhead --casting shadows
On spring's sunny day. 

Dreams (Haiku)

When I close my eyes
I wish I were different
I dream to be changed.

Sleepless

This is another sleepless night thinking of you
I cry for what I can't do
And forgive me my darling
For not being enough for you.

Truth

I want you to know the truth
Even if it breaks you,
I want you to know who loves you
Even it makes me a fool,
Search no longer for something to fill
Christ is chasing you
He is searching for you,
I want you to know the love I know
The life that I know, you just don't know
You don't know that
God loves you.

Spring's Winds (Haiku)

Little yellow kite
Let spring's winds carry you far
From my empty hands.     

City Lights (Haiku)

My two eyes reflect

The starry heavens, city

Lights turned upside down.

Amber. (Haiku)

The night sky drips black
Ink across amber, beauty's
Kiss to comfort me.        . 

   

Calm (Haiku)

I walk beneath a
Weeping sky that calms even
Daylight to deep night. 

Father's Afflictions.

Little child don't
Cry, Daddy is coming home
He heard your cries.

Young person lost in
Addiction, no one cares, but
Jesus is afflicted.

Wife who's man left and
Did he replace, your tears of pain
Stain Jesus's face.


I once laid dead in
My sin hating life and looking for an end
But Jesus my life did he defend.

My life for his, What
But true love would conduct such
A trade? 

Whisper

It's late and my mind is running wild

But the last ticking thought trickles down and out,

Only

Little child you won't understand what I'm saying

For it's far past your mind's reasoning and comprehending,

Old man and woman let my secret be spoken silently lest unkind ears hear my mind of drear,

Unfortunately your ears are not quite up to par-- I have not uttered anything so far,

Young people who dream about life and stare at the stars in wonderment and gasp

Are there already too many worries on your minds to grasp? I will refrain once again from revealing

My hidden thinkings lest I mess with your own mind tinkerings,

Sadly having not found a single soul who would understand and who would know I retire to my bed

Where I will sleep and forget till tomorrow.

Daddy.

Daddy died for you,

While you hated him, He 
Died to bring you home. 

All for You.

When I write for you
It's all for you,
The pages of manuscripts flowing off my desk
All roiling onto the floor into a folded like fashion
Mess, the most beautiful literature mess,
The old papery smell that drifts into other the rooms-- how I love the smell
And how I love to brush ink black onto pure cloud white,
Oh how I love to write,
It's for you that I write
It's all for you.

Nothing to Give.

I can't bring anything to the cross
Nothing to give but my body, broken and uselessly bound
The weight of my sin was pulling me down until
Jesus you filled me with you Jesus you saved me by truth.



I have nothing to bring to you oh Lord
Yet you use me anyway despite my inequities
I failed you so many times, committed death deserving crimes
Time after time,
I hated you yet you loved me you kept pursuing me
Jesus you filled me with you Jesus you saved me with truth.



You use me though I'm guilty
No hate for me only pity
Time after time I break your heart
And you still love me as a son
Nothing can stand between you and I
Nothing can break what you have tied.






I was lost in sin and destroying myself
Believing lies and totally lost
Then you came and died for me
The murderer, adulterating liar
Only would you have compassion on someone like me,
Now I'm kneeling before the cross
Weeping for Jesus.

Ever Pursue.

What greater love is there than God?
Did I not slap his face at his death, and he not forgive?
No where's in this broken world can you escape his love
And no where's will he not chase you and I,
Over and over we turn away from the one true love
And what makes Him the one true love, other than how He finds us again and again?
I run to you my God and seek your name,
Nothing is eternally worth my life
other than you,
Though I turn away yet again
You ever pursue me.

The Lion on my Doorstep.

There outside my doorstep
Awaits for me
A lion,
With gaping jaws
He rips apart men
And kills all passerby’s,
Fire pours from his maw
Consuming humanity,
But for I
It flees before my voice
And my shadow
For Christ closes the door
Behind me every day.

In my Heart

The absence of your white smile
your gait and mannerisms,
Your presence has left,
I can feel it in my heart
The wish that you would set foot
on my doorstep once again,
I can feel it in my heart a
Pressing darkness that is
Set between you and I
Like the distance that separates
But cannot break us apart. 

I Can't Write.

I can't write.

It's as if a gift was torn from my child hands,

I, left alone to shed a tear upon the floor for only the floor cared

About my loss.

I can't write.

And without my pen

Where shall my

Life pass too?

Into darkness and shame

That I, a man

Cannot save.