Sick

Puff blow sigh,
Crack smacked stride,
Up down bang,
Shot slam time,
Toss turn night,
Death comes by.

Burnt

Solid feeling, stuck in my heart,
Stung back to its place,
By its giver,
I’ve seen things, you wouldn’t understand,
Sights that kill my hopeful face,
Maybe I’m wrong,
I’m wrong,
And you know it,
Give me a second chance to act,
Why do you do things?
I want to act maturely,
I do what my blinded heart tells me,
If by chance,
You, the one I know,
Read this message,
Tell me I’m wrong.

Autumn

Flying pieces of beauty’s face, all trailing a gusty current carved in a once empty blue sky,
We watch life’s failing flutter to reach the giver of chance, span a lacking life gap they cannot,
Mr. Wind is spinning all broken colors, faltering and flailing they slowly scrape a frost blanketed earth,
The attempt turns to useless fail, only to entertain my eyes for a mere puff of our visible breath.

Reborn

A light pierced my eyes,
Screams rent from my mouth,
Everything new, terror is all I feel,
A cold grasp stuns my skin,
Hands of protection take me up, they are broken,
So new, yet polluted,
My mind is ignorant, unsuspecting, innocent,
A sense of vulnerability, am I safe?
They will try, try to prevent,
They can only do so much to save,
A sense of inevitability, hangs subliminally,
Keep me far from the rattling chains please,
Did I request something, which I’m not willing to pay for?
Stern words come from safety,
You must work for it, wanting it is key,
I reject my protectorate’s wisdom, I’m the wisest,
I have made myself open, something is seeping in,
Something deathly sweet,
It is new to me, it feels good,
The prince of the world will swallow, if I allow,
Dark crimson temptation, tastes so very sweet,
He is the hunter, I am the prey,
He tricks me with lies, pierces me with arrows of deceit,
Opportunity calls him, I’m giving him the chance,
He is killing me because he hates me,
Tripping and stumbling quickly down a slope,
I feel regret, sick, and painful regret,
My face turns pale, I lift my trembling hands, hands dripping with crimson blood,
How could I do this? There is no reprieve for one so deep,
I wander in the night, a terror hides behind every corner,
Running, running from everything,
I can’t save myself,
Falling, falling, falling down to the black hole filled with all consuming fire,
Trying to find myself,
A bright light speaks against death,
A sudden thought strikes its chord,
It feels like fear to blinded eyes,
Run! My flesh tells me, I obey, it’s my master,
I cannot find peace of mind,
Pride says stay strong,
I hold on to myself, myself,
I am desperate, so desperate,
I Hate, I have so much hate,
I feel fear, a fear of everything,
I obey my hated master, Hated master,
I am controlled by desire, sick desire,
I can’t save myself, my precious self,
What can I do?
Nothing,
I am broken beyond repair,
Again, The Thought plays through my mind,
I attempt to run, I don’t know what I need,
I can’t escape this time,
The Thought,
It tortures my soul, soul so full of holes,
That light, it speaks directly to me, I helplessly fight back,


How does red ink, kill black, and wash paper white?
Giving in to a majestic force, to powerful to conceive,
A blast of white light, blows away dark smudges,
Dark smudges that my broken form could not clean,
My tired body gives in, I’m broken,
Light pours in through every hole, filling me to the brim,
Every bloody oozing Bruise is healed,
I am full of pure love,
I see the truth,
Dark terror of my nights, you are no longer,
Tears of joy flow, emotion that cannot be stilled,
Victory is in sight, victory against the evil one’s plight,
There is still a battle says the light, the enemy is not finished,
Will you fight back?
I will Fight!
The evil one will try to strike your young, pure form down,
Down to the dust of defeat, that is not your portion,
Press on, stop for nothing,
Though it may seem that you will fail, you will prevail,
The true master will lead you,
He gave you tools to win souls,

Words sound through my mind,
I will not abandon you, nor will I forsake you,

All is new, Love is all I feel,
The savior’s hands pick me up, Safety feels good,
I have been reborn,
Inevitability hangs obviously,
We will win.

Yours

I am a swaying tree, swaying in the wind,
Sometimes down, and sometimes up,
I am a weak limb, don’t lean on my cracking bows,
I am the drinker of water, even less do I drink, while my roots run even more shallow,
I am all over the map, I don’t know what I feel many a day,
I am slowly getting stronger, never strong enough,
Trying to be great, trying to be humble,
Then I realize, I’m working against to myself,
I am his son, always under his mercy,
I am a temple, always cleaned by his grace,
I am a warrior, killing terrors in the dark with his light,
I am what he says I am,
My identity is what he defines it to be,
I am yours.

Didn't

Plain faced doll lying on the floor,
Stepped over and stepped on, kicked into a spin across the room,
Little boy, laying in tears,
Little girl, reveling in fears,
Shaping hands work busily,
Working towards full grown,
If changed in my young years had I been,
Many passed pain would not have been,
Laying on the side of life’s road breathing hard,
Never stopping, ever trying,
Red hot metal, can be bent, shaped into something for its life,
Don’t pass time for it to cool, change won’t come easy,
How much easier would
This
Have been,
If parenthood’s hands had shaped me when they could have, should have,
Didn’t.

What am I?

Writing and spelling,
Not happy with my words,
Not sad, just not happy,
I can’t seem to find a pattern in my spinning thoughts,
Random things flying by, distant days that have no plans,
Past hurts, could I put words to them?
Past joys, would you even understand?
Should I even try to write about my life pains?
You probably couldn’t relate,
Write about your life and I about mine,
Emotion cannot have words for all to understand,
Understanding is rare,
I don’t even know my own emotions, what do I feel?
What do I do that others like? What do I do that others hate?
What do I like? What do I hate?
What is my heart focused on?
I want to know what is happening,
Spinning life, I’m all dizzy,
Stop spinning me,
I want to know who I am.

Scened Out

Laughter’s children darting,

Little red bicycle waiting, waiting to be ridden,

Plain school yard, plain house yard,

Grey little woman watches young life scene,

Played out.

You and Your Rosy Cheeks

Beautiful children, protective hands are over your head,
Carefree children, your preciousness goes beyond the horizon,
Little children, I will stand with you forever, I will shield you from death,
You and your rosy cheeks, running and playing,
Sunny day joy,
Smiles express contentment,
Laughs express happiness,
Small chubby outstretched hands, desire expressed, embracing mommy,
Lay down to sleep,
Droopy eyes and drowsy posture,
Innocent little child, sleep, wake,
Small innocent babe, play, grow,
I love you.

Rushed

Much to say, in so little time,
All of my thoughts, put into short phrases,
How can I say, what I want to say?
Please say goodbye to this world of short things, rushed things,
Rushed short things,
Like this poem.

Lovely

Red brick house placed on a hill, all wrapped up in fall brown vines,
Little chimney, spewing black smoke into grey cloud sky,
Autumn cold gusts carry fluttering leaves, all colored beauty hues,
The trees, like frowning old men missing their pride,
Lovely.

Blue Sky Love

Blue sky love, new and fresh,
Never separated, ever joined,
You think to yourself, let our love be strong,
Never passing, ever pressing,
Blue sky, be everlasting,

White day, joy day, musical happiness, light laugh day,
Spinning dancers in pure cloud dresses,
Clean black leading, holding, caring,
Let our love be strong,
Everlasting blue sky,
Never rendered severed, ever tender,
Live you’re to this, 1+1=1,

Long are those romance moments gone,
Blown away are days like chilling fall leaves,
Winter and snow, bitter cold,
Fake love, dressed in smudged costumes,
Placed in the store front, put on their faces,
They don’t know the meaning and action of love,
Old and haggard, broken down,
Worn thin, outside worldly hides,
Our love is different from their biting cold blizzard,
These things press us, but do not affect us,
Blue sky love, old and used,
Never separated, ever joined,
You think to yourself, our love is still strong,
Never passing, ever pressing,
Blue sky, be everlasting.

Written Thoughts

Dear little children, what is the secret to your happiness?
The sanctity of your life dazes my mind,
You are born with innocent eyes, corruption will have its way, someday,
Your conception was arranged before your parents were made,
Your body was shaped by holy wise hands,
Your whole life could be lived to my plans,
Dear little children, what is the secret to your faith?
I don’t believe to my potential, I wish I could,
I love your carefree ways, and your loving hearts,
Your presence calls for joy,
He made you in a holy way,
Parents, do your job his way,
Your babies will live to their full potential,
Late in life, shattered lives will be remade,
Leaders will listen, leaders will change,
You have no idea of your potential power,
Through him.

Peace

Soft strums in the dim light,
Drowsy people wander in night,
Quiet room, candles and wine,
Falling into an unconscious state of mind,
Slipping towards passive state, life will have to wait,
Blank dream stares,
Who are these people that seem to have no cares?
Transfixing things,
Blanc dusty wall,
Faint music is being played,
Lulling me to sleep,
Gentle murmuring voices, dusky shapes cross my view,
Placid faces are telling me things,
I couldn’t say what, I don’t care anymore,
I am untroubled by the stresses of life,
Falling away, from reality,
Falling away,
Goodbye world of worry,
Falling away.

Precious Young Years

I’m an old man,
Staying alive in this house,
I even have a,
Umm, I forgot, never mind that,
I’m living my life like I was the one by which it was bought,
Working at new things, with old man vigor,
Maybe even with a little old man liquor,
I remember way back when,
I worked on things, new things, with young man vigor,
I sit and think, of the great many things I have accomplished,
And the many great things I never did,
Will they follow my trail, I hope not for their sake,
I keep getting off track,
Work, I’m coming back,
What am I going to do?
How will I teach them?
Make the best of your life while you have the chance,
Right now, enjoy your young spring prance, flowering color,
New hearts of carefree happiness,
Use the young years of youth for a worthy purpose,
Cause when you’re thin and frail like this old man,
Your near broken body won’t fit the young person plan,
Use it to its fullest,
I demand it,
Now that I’m done with my rant,
You can now go back to your classes,
Wait,
Would you help me remember where I put my glasses?

Joy Wait

Oh joy to be,
Will you come to me soon?
Or will you stay away,
I lie awake, thoughts about such things come to mind,
Oh happiness,
It could be better with you at my side,
The thought of you has kept me alive,
Do you notice the stress, when you’re not here that I express?
Oh patience,
Waiting is something I’ve gotten good at,
Though at times you still tug at my shirt, or you tug at my mind,
Delicate matters I ponder,
When I think, I know once again, it will be a long time,
Maybe never, due to my inadequacies,
Will you see me fit?
Or will you just pass and spit,
Oh worry,
I know not to,
Harder to say not to than do,
Maturity and adulthood are coming slowly,
You might not come because I can’t handle life,
I will handle it someday, life will cower before this man,
This man will make his dying day stand,
I will make my stand for possession,
Oh coming,
I see you walking,
Someday I will master this life,
I have to wait for joy,
Oh happiness.

Stretching

I am trying but failing, everyday,
Being rid of this burden, is an alien idea to this young mind,
My heart is beaten to a pulp, and a rind,
Do you know that I am here?
You know that I care,
I’m suffering through something I can hardly bear,
I go to the place where I kill myself every day,
I am going there to play, I love this world,
When I come away, the feeling of death and depression overtakes me,
I hate this world, I am under a spell,
Things happen to me I dare not tell,
Life a is spiraling down game, I can’t take the pain,
Crashing down, into a slumber every night,
Thinking about my faults in a hurtful way,
Get up in the morning, go out and do you piece,
Can you not handle the torture?
People die every day, you might be next,
Jumping through hoops for every man to see,
I spit out my heart to you now, will you heed my words?
Don’t follow my path, I can’t shake the death and hurt,
He is there to help, but he’s not there at all,
When will the stretching of my thin body stop?
You can take it, you can press through life with me at your side,
I know,
I just hope I don’t break.

Tomorrow

Heavy hearted, why do you weep?
Life hurts and pains rack me,
You despair because you’re so deep,
You’re deeper than you think,
Growing darkness is creeping its way,
Growing darkness that is already so big,
Slowly pushing you to the brink,
I cannot hold, I cannot stay,
Am I ever going to feel free?
I battle myself again and again,
You are weak, you need to fight,
You just don’t have the will,
You want to be free, but you don’t,
I can’t stop feeling pain,
I’m bent over in misery,
I push it out of my mind to find some peace,
Lay down to sleep and the thoughts some home,
You need to give in, you need to give in to me,
I will, tomorrow.

Crushed Myself

I hear the cries of my dead children,
Haunting my nights and my mind,
It was necessary I said to myself, even though I knew it not,
My life is full of guilt and shame,
Guilty of taking away your potential joy, so I could follow my own selfish ploy,
Guilty of stealing your life, stealing away your life at the edge of a knife,
Shameful of my body,
Shameful of all my inequities,
Attempting to convince myself of conscious easing thoughts,
You wouldn’t have made it anyways,
I saved you from this world of pain,
The suffering would have been too much for you to bear,
In the back of my mind, I know it to all be lies,
Scarred in my heart from this crime,
This crime of mine,
Your little, little dead form, all shriveled and smashed,
I want to throw up, it’s all coming up,
I can’t sleep well, all I do is think about this, dwell on this,
Mommy, why did you push us away? Send us into darkness?
Because I loved you,
They look at me with innocent stares,
They see right through me,
My soul is disheveled, my conscious is tormented by my own sin,
No where’s to run, no where’s to hide from my murdered children,
No excuse.

This World

This world is a taste of hell, everyone is under death spell,
Some people are stoned in their hearts by others,
We can help them, or not even bother,
Spare them, broken people need healing,
Rotten minds and fearful faces,
Broken is this pit, pit of troubles and gloom,
Hardened hearts and crying people, so much hurt and so much pain,
The weeping man, weeping over things that no man should have to endure, we have the cure,
Traumatized children all hiding, fear itself comes to them in the night, demons that bite,
You can’t understand their terror, it is of the devil himself,
This world is full of death, crashing and crumbling lives, ruined lives,
There are none who help, they don’t speak the truth to those who need it most,
When they are judged they will realize the cost,
Layers and layers of dirt and smudges, dead living people and wrecked households,
Relationships between spouses mold,
Cracked trust and ravaged people, running from what is right because they believe lies,
Fatherless children are conceived, this you did not perceive,
They are murdered and thrown in the trash,
What has this world done?
Fire will come and destroy all sin,
His wrath will not be slowed,
He is coming back.

Inspiration

Inspiration doesn’t come unless it wants,
Don’t force it, like me,
I want to write, I want to conjure,
Not many have thoughts similar to mine,
Though, they have thoughts that ring and chime,
Thinking about what I want to write, studying things in their deepest aspect,
Like a child and their carefree ways,
Or their parent who corrects them every day,
A friend who asks a foolish question, I wave them aside,
What are the motives in life?
Why do people do what they do?
Leader acting for all to see,
Acting with good character and impressive stature,
Performing with ease,
Young speaker who tells story, a wise story,
Spelling out what things so they make sense,
Teaching young minds what is right,
Bringing up a generation of Godly men and women,
A person who does little things because they want to,
Do they realize the impact that they cause?
Little feet running all over the floor,
Thumping and bumping,
Smiles and yells,
Laughs that sound like a chorus of bells,
Children.

Author of Thoughts

Author of thoughts, Author of words,
Speak to my heart so that I might understand,
Understand what you have planned,
Put your thoughts on my mind, move my mouth to your written words,
All your enemies will get bitten, they will find I am no friendly carefree kitten,
Make it like a spout, spewing light to all the world,
Gibberish comes out when you aren’t present,
Immediately I resent,
Come to me, and take over all, I give it to you with glee,
Author of actions, Author of life,
Come and kill all my strife,
Write out my life, send it using the mail,
Sometimes I feel like my heart flies through many deadly gales,
Save me from myself, I might stab me in the heart,
Come save all our souls,
Before my novice author self, steals it away, I really want to live your way,
Author of Universe, Author of time,
I always feel so calm, when you have all in your palm,
Write my future, speak it to me, I’ll repeat it back,
Following in a run, you words can be, misinterpreted, crystallize it for me please,
Clear, and clean, spaced and crisp, without any lisp, without any human impediment,
Write, Speak, Think, my life into existence,
I, a broken man, focused on one purpose,
Achieving you.

Joy to Me

Musical notes of joy ring in my ears, quite the opposite of tears,
Heart lifter, heart healer,
Remember those sunny spring bliss days, full of comfort,
A sound of happiness, a sound of peace,
Red and bright, maybe sometimes white,
Pouring from most friends mouths, a delightful jingling,
Joyful ringing,
Being with some is better than others,
Your laughter is music to my ears,
Your person has joy,
Being around you isn’t a grudge,
This no one can destroy,
Your laughter is music to my ears,
Beautiful music.

Empty Shelves

slipping ideas and passing thoughts,
something comes and something goes,
I just remembered, no I didn't,
confused and lost,
the thoughts on are on the edge, the edge of memory,
do I need to think longer, or will it come to me now?
speaking to you, words not coming,
forgotten forever in the vaults of thought,
lost on endless shelves,
the greatest librarians and scribes cannot even find,
oh well,
I will keep reading,
and keep filling those empty shelves,
forgotten.

Words, Minds, Hearts

Hoover dam was recently built, pent up water is gaining potential energy,
Thinking about a matter that distresses, a matter that presses,
Sick to stomach, ill in mind,
Waiting for this to end is hard,
Just wait, then just do,
Are you going to make this a smooth experience,
Or grinding rocks against tender skin, poking things and a stabbing pin,
Will you prepare for that day,
Or will you delay, escape your fate,
Don’t take that bait,
Trust the old man, who says it to be true,
When he was young like you, he didn’t take his cue,
Of course he failed,
Don’t follow my trail, little man,
Little man with powerful ideas,
Strike the emotion chords of your listeners,
We give opportunity,
Your words should be in proper unity,
This self torture is a gift, your words can ring in the minds of many,
Powerful and dangerous is the tongue, like a sword are your words,
Careful where you swing, you aren’t walking in the sun happy spring,
Spoken emotion can change minds, spoken emotion can make enemies,
Pent up wait can hurt, you may have learnt,
Don’t waste your precious words, tell them words, change their minds,
I will change hearts.

Carefree Days

My father once told me, son, don’t go into the friggle where the yammor jiggles,
When I get bigger I will venture into the friggle, no matter what you do, you can’t stop me,
I then scampered off to frolic and play, it was a great day,
Discouraged from my outrageous thoughts was I? Well, they tried,
Teaching and lessons would not help,
For,
This young boy would fight the yammor in the friggle I giggled,
Frowns were shown openly, even by the town glopenly, carefree thoughts I had, they thought this was bad,
But I was just a young cad, dreaming of adventure,
When I turned dop, I climbed mount Hyppa, without their permisher, there I played with the dangerous berisher,
When I returned I was greeted hopingly, I was then lectured openly, by Auldhodot’s Ederls
This, they stated, is absolute folly
You are jolly, and a young cad, but must you go off on sprees, sprees that might break your knees,
Rebellion is what I want, so I ran far away, that’s where I’m happy, staying away,
I lived in the woods all by myself, I was growing mature, slowly gaining stature,
I am a child at heart, a child at mind, soon not to be,
Most people know the older you are, the less fun there is,
Why mull about things that depress, when we could go and play a game of chess?
I started to realize this could not go forever, so I went back, even though I thought never,
I went back to my town, my town Auldhodot, without even a spot, where I grew tall and strait, from a young pup, to a grown up,
I am old now, and look back on my ways, I had fun and I enjoyed all those days, Enjoy yours too,
Use them to their best, this is my request, this is my advice,
You must listen because my age is yours thrice, carefree days playing in the sun, bright beautiful sun,
Those carefree days,
Carefree days.

Sponges

Writing stuff on paper, scribbles and signs, only mean something to the trained eye,
Down the page it will flow, away from the beginning we will go,
Say something one way, another form says another,
Flowing and fluttering words, come off the page and fly into space,
Absorbed by sponges, sponges.