Crushed Myself

I hear the cries of my dead children,
Haunting my nights and my mind,
It was necessary I said to myself, even though I knew it not,
My life is full of guilt and shame,
Guilty of taking away your potential joy, so I could follow my own selfish ploy,
Guilty of stealing your life, stealing away your life at the edge of a knife,
Shameful of my body,
Shameful of all my inequities,
Attempting to convince myself of conscious easing thoughts,
You wouldn’t have made it anyways,
I saved you from this world of pain,
The suffering would have been too much for you to bear,
In the back of my mind, I know it to all be lies,
Scarred in my heart from this crime,
This crime of mine,
Your little, little dead form, all shriveled and smashed,
I want to throw up, it’s all coming up,
I can’t sleep well, all I do is think about this, dwell on this,
Mommy, why did you push us away? Send us into darkness?
Because I loved you,
They look at me with innocent stares,
They see right through me,
My soul is disheveled, my conscious is tormented by my own sin,
No where’s to run, no where’s to hide from my murdered children,
No excuse.